So we were yakking in the locker room at the club, bitching about the unreasonable difficulty of our workout in the sports conditioning class, and one guy goes "Well, some days you're the bug and other days you're the windshield..."
So I pipe in with "You know, I'm not sure which of those I like least.."
And we all laughed. Cause sometimes crumpling into a splattered mess is more appealing than standing up and getting shit splattered all over you.
It's all gonna suck, folks, but that's how you get better.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
First you get old and then you know what's coming next..
There is no more rational reason for pessimism than the simple fact of aging. One year you're motoring along fine and then suddenly you have trouble reading the fine print. And your teeth hurt, cause those fillings from long ago are getting to be of a certain age. And it takes two or sometimes three days to get over a vigorous workout. And you're not as fast as you used to be. And you get weird pains that appear and then leave.
Aging sucks, and you know what else? It's just leading up to death. Isn't that just fucking swell?
I shouldn't complain. I still have my hair. I'm am full of vim and vigor. But I know it's not going to last forever.
Aging sucks, and you know what else? It's just leading up to death. Isn't that just fucking swell?
I shouldn't complain. I still have my hair. I'm am full of vim and vigor. But I know it's not going to last forever.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Disappointment
You know there's nothing like raising kids to give you those moments that feel like a complete kick in the balls.
Roughly a month ago, I was informed that my daughter has been permanently kicked out off of the ski team for attempting to shove another little girl off the chairlift. And let me just say that there are few things that make you truly question your parenting skills and maybe even your worth as a human being then the realization that you may be raising a sociopath. Cause you know I'm a pretty off the wall person, and I'm not the best at being Mr. Upright and Proper, but still... a 9 year old sociopath... really?
So my wife and I had a long and productive talk with the daughter, and I can see that she didn't mean for it to come out as bad as it sounds, cause basically she was thinking they were playing dare, and my daughter is really not a person that knows appropriate boundaries, and she tends to be a giant douche to kids that don't set boundaries for her, so I can see how she was thinking it was this and the other little girl was thinking it was that, and you know, once you've done something douchy enough, you're basically fucked. Not that I would know anything about that.
Anyway my daughter got kicked out for being a giant douche. So I'm sad for my daughter, who won't be able to make friends with a whole bunch of kids. And we talked about that, and how it was really a bad idea to play around like that, cause someone could get really hurt or even killed that way. And we talked about how disappointed we were that she would make choices like that. And as we were talking she was doing a great job of holding up the bravado, saying she didn't mean it like that, saying she didn't like it anyway, but then she went and wrote us each a note (she like to write a note any time she thinks she has something important to say) stating that she was sorry for being mean and
"this in my harth (sic) it is dieing.(sic)"
And she brought over the notes, and we read them then, oh did we ever see the waterworks. She talked about her birth mom and how birth mom never taught her to make good choices, and how birth mom never came when she was a baby, and she was crying cause she was hungry, and all this stuff that is really painful for a child to admit about their mother.
And it's not a place we go with her. We're very hands off about the whole thing of why she got taken away from her mom and her brother and sisters. We tell her the judge said it had to be this way because her mom was not making good choices.
But the daughter went ther on her own, and that was pretty much of a breakthrough moment, but she really cried some bitter, bitter tears. And you know, I've seen her cry out of fear, and I've seen her cry out of frustration and anger, but this was something different, this was her coming completely undone.
Fortunately she has the attention span of an incontinent gnat, so she's moved on to normal kid thoughts. But she's not the same. She's a kinder, more loving child now, still rambunctious as all get out, but a bit softer.
And me, I've taken a hit. And some hits make you wonder if you really wanted to get back up again. But I'm up, just a little dizzy.
Of course the reason I took the hit was having high hopes. If I'd expected a cold pail of vomit, well then I would have been right.
Roughly a month ago, I was informed that my daughter has been permanently kicked out off of the ski team for attempting to shove another little girl off the chairlift. And let me just say that there are few things that make you truly question your parenting skills and maybe even your worth as a human being then the realization that you may be raising a sociopath. Cause you know I'm a pretty off the wall person, and I'm not the best at being Mr. Upright and Proper, but still... a 9 year old sociopath... really?
So my wife and I had a long and productive talk with the daughter, and I can see that she didn't mean for it to come out as bad as it sounds, cause basically she was thinking they were playing dare, and my daughter is really not a person that knows appropriate boundaries, and she tends to be a giant douche to kids that don't set boundaries for her, so I can see how she was thinking it was this and the other little girl was thinking it was that, and you know, once you've done something douchy enough, you're basically fucked. Not that I would know anything about that.
Anyway my daughter got kicked out for being a giant douche. So I'm sad for my daughter, who won't be able to make friends with a whole bunch of kids. And we talked about that, and how it was really a bad idea to play around like that, cause someone could get really hurt or even killed that way. And we talked about how disappointed we were that she would make choices like that. And as we were talking she was doing a great job of holding up the bravado, saying she didn't mean it like that, saying she didn't like it anyway, but then she went and wrote us each a note (she like to write a note any time she thinks she has something important to say) stating that she was sorry for being mean and
"this in my harth (sic) it is dieing.(sic)"
And she brought over the notes, and we read them then, oh did we ever see the waterworks. She talked about her birth mom and how birth mom never taught her to make good choices, and how birth mom never came when she was a baby, and she was crying cause she was hungry, and all this stuff that is really painful for a child to admit about their mother.
And it's not a place we go with her. We're very hands off about the whole thing of why she got taken away from her mom and her brother and sisters. We tell her the judge said it had to be this way because her mom was not making good choices.
But the daughter went ther on her own, and that was pretty much of a breakthrough moment, but she really cried some bitter, bitter tears. And you know, I've seen her cry out of fear, and I've seen her cry out of frustration and anger, but this was something different, this was her coming completely undone.
Fortunately she has the attention span of an incontinent gnat, so she's moved on to normal kid thoughts. But she's not the same. She's a kinder, more loving child now, still rambunctious as all get out, but a bit softer.
And me, I've taken a hit. And some hits make you wonder if you really wanted to get back up again. But I'm up, just a little dizzy.
Of course the reason I took the hit was having high hopes. If I'd expected a cold pail of vomit, well then I would have been right.
Success
I got this thought from an Esquire article on Sumner Redstone, though I'll be damned if I can find it. Anyway the thought is this:
People place too much upon being successful. Success does not come about as a result of previous successes, success comes on the heels of failure. Failure, failure, failure, failure, failure. It is only through failing that we get to the next level, and the only people that get there are the ones who fail, and find the strength to get back up and fail again. And again.
If you're not failing, you're not going to be winning. And if you just failed, remember that you might be one more try away from succeeding.
But expect to fail every day. If you want to move forward.
People place too much upon being successful. Success does not come about as a result of previous successes, success comes on the heels of failure. Failure, failure, failure, failure, failure. It is only through failing that we get to the next level, and the only people that get there are the ones who fail, and find the strength to get back up and fail again. And again.
If you're not failing, you're not going to be winning. And if you just failed, remember that you might be one more try away from succeeding.
But expect to fail every day. If you want to move forward.
George Mallean
When I was younger, I worked in aerospace--defense contracting stuff. And it was very fun cause there was a bunch of money to do science, and a bunch of smart people, and it was interesting work, trying to prove that one solution or another was a viable strategy in the battlefield of the future. And the people were really interesting, because everybody is pretty sure they are smarter than everyone else and are looking for an opportunity to prove it.
So I kinda stepped into a loaded situation, where I was a contractor and people at the customer site were waiting to tear my work apart, which they did, immediately and with great vigor. And so I got assigned to work under this really, really negative guy, George Mallean. And he was great. He started out our first meeting with "I know your type and you think you're just gonna sweep in here with some magical bullshit and it's not going to prove anything." And so forth for like a half an hour. It was pretty severe. But because I pretty much expect the worst (especially when the president of my company warns me that I'm really in for it with this Mallean guy) So anyway, long story short, I just say: "Look, I'm 27 years old, I have no idea what you're looking for, and I'm not prepared to defend my work as the greatest thing since sliced bread. You know what you're looking for, tell me what I need to do here." Apparently people don't roll over that quickly in that industry, but it sure worked, because everything got a whole lot easier from there on out. George was happy, my boss thought I was a fricking genius cause George was happy, and I was able to get access to the information that George wanted in my reports.
But that's not the real point of this post. I had George's trust, and the great benefit of his experienced guidance, but the thing that George really taught me was something else. One day George was all bent out of shape (probably justifiably) at something his company was doing and he gave me these words of wisdom: "Erik, if you just think of people, and you expect the absolute worst from them, you know, 99% of time you'll be... absolutely correct."
And, you know, happy people don't think this way. They think people are their friend and that good things will just fall from the sky, like rainbow scented jellybeans from the asses of flying unicorns. But George wasn't interested in being happy, he was interested in being correct. And that, dear readers, was a very significant life lesson for this cowboy.
God love you, George Mallean, where ever you are. I'll not forget you.
So I kinda stepped into a loaded situation, where I was a contractor and people at the customer site were waiting to tear my work apart, which they did, immediately and with great vigor. And so I got assigned to work under this really, really negative guy, George Mallean. And he was great. He started out our first meeting with "I know your type and you think you're just gonna sweep in here with some magical bullshit and it's not going to prove anything." And so forth for like a half an hour. It was pretty severe. But because I pretty much expect the worst (especially when the president of my company warns me that I'm really in for it with this Mallean guy) So anyway, long story short, I just say: "Look, I'm 27 years old, I have no idea what you're looking for, and I'm not prepared to defend my work as the greatest thing since sliced bread. You know what you're looking for, tell me what I need to do here." Apparently people don't roll over that quickly in that industry, but it sure worked, because everything got a whole lot easier from there on out. George was happy, my boss thought I was a fricking genius cause George was happy, and I was able to get access to the information that George wanted in my reports.
But that's not the real point of this post. I had George's trust, and the great benefit of his experienced guidance, but the thing that George really taught me was something else. One day George was all bent out of shape (probably justifiably) at something his company was doing and he gave me these words of wisdom: "Erik, if you just think of people, and you expect the absolute worst from them, you know, 99% of time you'll be... absolutely correct."
And, you know, happy people don't think this way. They think people are their friend and that good things will just fall from the sky, like rainbow scented jellybeans from the asses of flying unicorns. But George wasn't interested in being happy, he was interested in being correct. And that, dear readers, was a very significant life lesson for this cowboy.
God love you, George Mallean, where ever you are. I'll not forget you.
Introduction
So, I'm really horrible at blogging, because I just get bored prattling on about my life, and the news, and whatever else I've attempted to blog. Frankly I'm best at commenting on the rich stream of random thoughts I read throughout the day, which is great, but it's not really a great way to collect my wisdom. So anyway, I'm trying to create something worth reading but I need a theme, a unifying concept, something I can search on and find a new idea that inspires me to the next post.
So here it is: Pessimism. I'm a pretty upbeat, energetic sort of guy, but it's because I draw my energy from the daily confirmation that everything is, indeed, going to hell in a handbasket. And when it doesn't, well, that's just a miracle. Think of me as a black hearted Candide.
So really it comes down to expecting the absolute worst. I'm not here to give you simple heartwarming platitudes and whitewashed anecdotes to warm your soul. If your soul is like mine, it draws nothing from that stuff. It pretty much just makes everything worse, leaving me wondering why my life can't be so simple and beautiful and sensible and free of a dozen caveats. I'm not looking for chicken soup here, I'm looking for something worse. And what could be worse than a cold pail of vomit?
So here it is: Pessimism. I'm a pretty upbeat, energetic sort of guy, but it's because I draw my energy from the daily confirmation that everything is, indeed, going to hell in a handbasket. And when it doesn't, well, that's just a miracle. Think of me as a black hearted Candide.
So really it comes down to expecting the absolute worst. I'm not here to give you simple heartwarming platitudes and whitewashed anecdotes to warm your soul. If your soul is like mine, it draws nothing from that stuff. It pretty much just makes everything worse, leaving me wondering why my life can't be so simple and beautiful and sensible and free of a dozen caveats. I'm not looking for chicken soup here, I'm looking for something worse. And what could be worse than a cold pail of vomit?
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